Now, if you're still reading, I'll share the wisdom of some of my friends who reveled in using dance (especially the Latin dances) as foreplay. Quick note about this that ties into last week's blog: this is the reason some guys won't ask certain women to dance. If the guy knows she is spoken for off the dance floor, he doesn't want to offend the other guy (or get his a*^ kicked), so he won't ask the woman. I remember a couple of years back, my husband and I were at La Rumba and I asked a guy to dance and he said, "Oh! I was hoping to dance with you, but I didn't know if you were dancing with other people." Clearly, to a lot of people, it's not just "dancing".
So, how do you know? I'm going to put this communication responsibilty on the ladies. For multiple reasons, the least of which is not that the guy has fourteen other things to focus on when you're dancing. Basically, no gentleman wants to force an intimacy issue. So to my guys I say, always assume you're just dancing. To my ladies I say, if you want more than a dance, make sure he knows it.
But Allison, what if I'm shy? What if I'm scared? What if I want him to ask me out? OK, I hear you. You know the saying "nice guys finish last"? It's not true. The truth is, "Shy guys finish last." For the sake of arguing, let's say "shy people". How long are you willing to do and/or say nothing while life passes you by. If you want something, the least you can do is vocalize it! If you want more than a dance from a guy, maybe you could say something like, "Wanna get some water?" (Feel free to substitute your own accent there... I know we're not all from KY).
"But I'm scared he'll say no." Tough cookies! (Can you tell I'm trying to work on my cursing... the woes of a mother;). As we've discussed in previous blogs, no is unfortunately a part of life. And asking him to the water fountain isn't exactly throwing yourself at him. He might say no tonight, but ask you next week. Or never. Either way, grow a backbone and go for it.
"Well, I'm old fashioned, and I want the man to make the first move." I feel you! I'm the same way. In fact, I've written multiple screenplays about that very subject. If this is the case, you need to make it very clear through body language and eye contact that you want more than some smooth eight counts from him. And, if he doesn't respond, (isn't excited to dance another song with you or starts looking away uncomfortably) you need to back off. No lady wants to force an intimacy issue either.
It's actually pretty simple to recognize whether someone is in to you or not. You just have to pay attention. Is s/he looking at you or looking anywhere but you? Does his/her smile touch their eyes, or is it the "I'm smiling because Allison told me to in one of her blogs" face? Or worse yet, they're not smiling at all - quite the no-brainer there.
Do you dance with this person every week or do they make excuses half the time? Have you danced with them five songs in a row? Mutually! Or does s/he try to thank you and walk away after each song? When you get close, does the other person stay close comfortably, or do you feel them stop breathing and start pulling away?
I told you: it's not rocket science. If you want to play it safe - always assume it's just dancing. Don't ever assume you're hot stuff and everyone you dance with is dying to jump your bones. That's quite simply not even in the realm of truth. And no one likes to dance with that guy or gal. Remember, before dancing is anything, it's FUN. And if it's only ever that... Awesome!
See you on the hardwood:)