After my two year old son climbs into my husband's lap and plops comfortably in the nook of my husband's elbow, he smiles at me as if there's nothing more in the world he needs - and I'm sure there's nothing more in the world I need. Then he snatches the hat off my husband's head and proceeds to put the rather ill-fitted hat on his own head. He covers his face with the brim and says, "Where'd he go? Kai?" and I almost cry.
Everything about the moment - his small hands on the big hat, his adorable pronunciation, his sense of humor - they all have the power to bring me to my knees. Sometimes I feel like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes too big. My chest heaves, my breath catches, and a sonic boom of gratitude emanates from my body.
I get this feeling at least once a day. Whether it's from seeing my nine month old daughter's dimples, my son carry his bowl of food to the table using both hands and tiny steps, or my personal favorite - Kai making Naya laugh by doing something silly and then they start laughing at each other laughing. One time, Naya actually fell over she was laughing so hard...and then she kept laughing! By the end, we're all red faced and crying for no reason at all... Did you feel that boom?
Now here's my confession: my son was a total Oops! I freaked out when that plus sign appeared on the stick. I'd never even really held a baby before (I did the whole, sit down and put a pillow in your lap, then gingerly place your arms between the baby and the pillow, thing) yet alone planned on having one...or two. What did I know about raising kids? Nothing. Let me rephrase that: NOTHING!
Suffice to say, "terrified" would have been an understatement. I actually wanted to move back to KY where we could be close to family and friends who knew what to do with these little dream suckers. We'd have been gone if my husband, always the wiser, gentler of the two of us, hadn't calmed me down (not an easy task, I assure you) and convinced me we could do this kid thing.
He was right, as usual. The "dream suckers" turned out to be dream fulfillers and happiness personified. The "kid thing" is really the coolest, most satisfying ride of our lives. And not only can we do this - we can't imagine a day of our lives not wanting to do this.
I tell you all this, not to make you run out and procreate (because to be honest, I'm still very new at this mothering thing and I'm sure I'll have lots of epiphanies, not all of them exploding with gratitude;), merely to illustrate - sometimes life throws you a step you don't know. You'll freak out. You'll stumble. You'll want to move to KY. Stop. Breathe. Most importantly: stay on the floor. That step you feared at first, may turn into your favorite dance!
See you on the hardwood:)
Allison loves to write almost as much as she loves to dance, so no one had to twist her arm to get her to write about dancing!